If you are a parent, or a pet owner, you have likely found yourself uttering more absurd questions out loud than you ever expected. Who put these pennies in my laptop? Why are you washing your face in the dog bowl? Is this chocolate or poop on the bed? (BTW…all real questions that have been asked in my household.) Here is the scatalogical origin story for this blog title.
On one particularly insane day in my household, I let my 2-year-old daughter eat a mini chocolate cupcake, because we are very health-conscious at meal time (or she was screaming CHOC-ATE CAKE!) Afterward, she looked like a Augustus Gloop after he went through the chocolate tube so I decided to give her a mid-day dunk in the tub. After she was done drinking bathwater out of the toy boats as an after-lunch refresher, I wrapped her in a towel and told her to stay on my bed so that I could grab her a diaper and a fresh set of clothes. In the 30 seconds it took for me to walk into her room, I heard rampant giggles and saw pale baby butt cheeks streaking down the hallway. “I nakey! I nakey!” she proudly exclaimed. I snatched her up and put her back on the bed for diaper application, when she began to yell “Poop! Poop!” At this time she would frequently call farts poop, so I thought that was what happened, as I didn’t see any turds and who on Earth can poop that quickly? When I went to put her diaper on, I saw it. The poop streak on her butt. So I quickly cleaned her off, still thinking this was a shart incident, and diapered her.
After she was dressed, I let her off the bed to play while I gathered up her towel and lotion and I noticed a brown smudge on the bed. Still in a state of deep denial about the poop situation, I thought this was a remnant of the chocolate cupcake explosion earlier. It looked JUST like the frosting. So out of habit (sadly) I bent over and took a deep whiff as I exclaimed out loud to myself, “Is this shit? It better not be shit!” It was NOT chocolate. Repeat, NOT chocolate. REALLY glad I didn’t do a taste test! So now I’m thinking, OK, this was more than a shart. And I heard my daughter’s little voice from the hall yelling “Poop! Poop!” As I ran to inspect, I found a trail of tiny turds leading to the grand daddy of them all, which had been deposited neatly in my step-son’s bedroom floor. It was her precise streak path dotted with turds. If I had better record keeping of the moment, I’d submit it to Guiness for world’s fastest shit.
So that is the root of this blog and a theme in my life at the moment. Between 3 kids and 4 dogs, cleaning poop is a part of my daily living. This is a place to deposit all of the madness that ensues while I spend my days working from home and juggling a growing hoard of children. I find the humor in the mundane, because it brightens my day when something funny happens and I hope it will do the same for you. Even as I sit here typing this, my daughter is scribbling on my purse with a lip stain, and I’m letting her do it because it’s keeping her quiet and it isn’t dangerous. This isn’t your typical “mommy blog,” though there’s absolutely nothing wrong with those blogs. I intend to write about more — parenting, life, business and my awkward encounters with other humans, in hopes that I help someone find better balance, learn from my mistakes or at least get a good laugh from them.
This may be a new blog to all of you, but I have been mulling over starting it for at least several months. Finally, I pulled the trigger and just did it. So now that it has a space to live outside of my brain, I hope you come back regularly and consume it with your eyeballs and your hungry little brains.